“By loving them for more than their abilities we show our children that they are much more than the sum of their accomplishments.” – Eileen Kennedy-Moore
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behaviour.”- Amy Vanderbilt
“It’s like, remember who you always were, where you came from, who your parents were, how they raised you. Because that authentic self is going to follow you all through life, so make sure that it’s solid so it’s something that you can hold on and be proud of for the rest of your life.”- Michelle Obama
Parent’s Day is a special occasion that celebrates the blessing of being gifted a child. I was lucky to become a parent when I was ready to take on the responsibilities. It’s been almost 40 years since I became a parent to Jay & Kate, my incredible daughters, and the journey has been a great learning experience, the biggest in my life.
On International Parent’s Day I am sharing with you some useful tips for parenting you may not find in any books giving instructions on becoming a good parent. And there are plenty of books now with step by step instructions. I consider it’s a unique experience for everyone and yet there are some golden rules I have learnt that may guide you to be a role model of your choice to your child.
These are 4 areas I noticed that I engaged in while bringing up my children:
I truly emphasize on values as they have been a driving force in my parenting style. Values get inculcated mostly at home by parents, in school, through the religion one practices, social membership groups you owe your allegiance to. These are the principles you live by and founded very early in life. Values shape our life as they are the bases of ethical high ground – a tight rope to walk but one that helps you reach your destination with a lot of achievements and self-respect.
The second aspect is to provide a safe environment to children while growing up. I feel sometimes I faltered on that count, but soon it became evident to me that it was necessary to build a stronger relationship with our daughters by sharing what I needed. I opened up channels of communication to open the doors to feelings rather than simply the 2 Dimensions of communication. It is not always easy for me to share what I feel and intuit, to give way to my vulnerability, it has been one of the best skills I have allowed myself to embrace. These skills I trust will continue to grow for me to build deeper adult connections as a parent and a human being. Let’s face it… we are human beings, not human doings!
The third thing I want to stress upon is the importance of routines and rituals in our daily life. They demonstrate the importance of living a healthy life and taught me who I am today. A healthy mind lives in a healthy body. It requires a good food and exercise regime. A mix of fruits, green vegetables, proteins and carbohydrates are a must for energy. Analkaline balanced gut can add up to no cranky children and you may need to experiment with food and drinks with your children to find the best combination that is individually effective. Healthy food habits lead to wellness of the body, spirit, emotions and mind. My self-education about food and drink was the starting point of my self-awareness some 45 years ago. Nutritional routines and rituals are often the first starting block for people to become aware of what is happening to them as a human being. The routines and rituals then often develop to other important areas of our life to develop our lifestyle, ourselves and family.
One valuable routine we had when our children were small were weekly family meetings. These meetings were always held at the dinner table and always had an agenda that everyone could contribute to. I discovered these meetings taught me, as a parent, to listen and articulate what I needed and to let go of my expectations.
Lastly, I want to talk about rules that bring a certain discipline and direction to life along with the actions we take in life. These rules become innate qualities to decision-making, agreements and untangling ethical dilemmas. I myself was brought up in such a way that if you make a commitment you are going to complete it and if you cannot do it you say so as soon as possible to the person concerned. I attempt to live by my ethics and rules without being rigid to bring in the paradox of fun and flexibility and freedom. Rules have helped me to become a stronger, self- reliable, self-connected, balanced parent.
Of course it is difficult to see outside of ourselves at any stage of life. These insights, when we spend time to investigate them, can only be seen when we are past that stage of day to day child rearing. Now that our children are adults I see that these 4 important skills made up the foundation that have taken us as a family through different eras, through our different individual needs in our development.
In summary; with the global distractions, the pressure to earn money, the keeping up with the Joneses Syndrome, often takeus away from self-connection and family appreciation. I recommend as a parent that we all practice values based and needs based conversations through routines to discover solutions to simple dilemmas in our everyday living.
What are your comments?
What is it that you have learnt from being a parent?
For me, being a parent is the largest learning curve that I continue to live through, and one that I love to live through.
Hugs Di Downie
